Scuppered at the last hurdle?

I'm not at all religious. I'd like to think that when we all die our souls go to Heaven and all that shit, but it's just not sensible in any way, is it? Okay, so maybe a tiny, sliver of a percent of my irrational mind could entertain the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, there could be an afterlife. But do you know what that tiny sliver of a percent worries about? Do you? It worries that, when we finally shuffle off this shitty flesh sack and go to meet our maker (whoever that may be), he won't make it particularly easy to get into Heaven/Valhalla/Nirvana/Wherever.

Basically, I worry that when you and the Big Man finally go head-to-head, he gives you one obstacle to overcome before ascending to the realm of harps and angels. He sits you down in his blinding white office, wheels in a video/TV combo (like they used to do in school when you were gonna watch a documentary about 'Dangers in the Kitchen' that the Home Ec teacher taped off Bitesize Revision on BBC 2 the night before), takes a tatty, Asda's own brand VHS from his briefcase and proceeds to show you every silly and embarrassing thing you've ever done. And you have to watch it all, with him cackling over your shoulder like the twisted bastard he truly is. Imagine it, having to explain all your idiotic behaviour to the Creator of the Universe. All your late night drunken phone calls. All your piss poor chat up lines. All the unfunny shit you were spewing while stoned or gouched or wasted. All your totally pathetic emo moments - randomly punching walls and all that shit. All those wasted opportunities. All the times you done fell over, durrr. Those times you were sick....through your nose. All of it. With JAHWEH sat there pissing himself. "What the fuck were you trying to do there?", he'd say, "How exactly was that going to work?"

And that's what the tiny sliver of a percent of me worries about. That God's a little bit off-kilter in the humour department.

On a seperate note - I watched 'Heathers' again the other night. I had totally forgotten how fuckin' awesome it is. You must purchase it, even if the 'Special Edition' is a bit sparse with the extras. Oh, and get the new LCD Soundsystem album - don't think, just get it.

Panda forward, chums. 2005 is marching ever onwards