MECONIUM on Scunnered Records MP3

The lovely folks at Noise Joy have had a bit of a catastophe - everything they've ever released has disappeared from their servers. Nasty

Until they're back up and running, I've released Meconium on Scunnered Records MP3:

www.archive.org/details/CriticalBest-Meconiumscun001

Enjoy

(There's a new track on Myspace, too - www.myspace.com/criticalbest, it's called 'Trevor Brown Don't Paint My Child')

Christmas Mix

http://www.mediafire.com/?fatjmmxx9zz

1//Kodek - You Must Think First Before You Move
2//Droon / Barndance
3//Adam Harris / Hyperspeed (Sy and Unknown Remix) + Hellfish / Pill Lesson
4//Phuq / Broken (Ruthmix)
5//LFO Demon / Classwar Dynamite
6//Ladyscraper / Turboturd!
7//Gabba Front Berlin / Speedcore Lacrima

A decidedly un-festive half hour. Enjoy

Woop de fuckin' woop

Oh yeah, I have a Discogs page now:

http://www.discogs.com/artist/Critical+Best

Yeah

I went climbing yesterday and now these arms are dead snakes

Hmmm, I haven't updated this in fucking ages.



I have an excuse, though - I've just moved into a lovely new flat with my awesome girlfriend, and we don't have t'internet yet, so I can't really update this page from home. And work is pretty busy, what with Xmas looming on the horizon.



I've been growing a moustache this month, along with loads of other guys around the world, to raise money for Prostate Cancer charity. I'm starting to look like a gay fisherman.



I've got 3 new tracks in the pipeline, and a kind of vague concept of things I want to do. Unlike my first album, which was just a hotch potch of all the tracks I'd done, I have a nebulous theme in mind for my next project. I want to get some cheap analogue equipment first, though, as I'm getting a bit bored of my software (and I'm too lazy to learn a couple of the new bits of software I got recently).



Wa wa waaa

All Hallow's Eve

Happy Halloween, peeps.



For your listening pleasure, I present a 'mashup' of Gershon Kingsley & Peter Waldron and Nurse With Wound. I've taken the DJ Brokenwindow route on this, as I'm shit at mashups, and it didn't really need much tweaking to sound perfect and creepy:

Nurse With Wound - Rat Tapes (Marc'o van Bastard's Halloween Edit)

(This was originally the last track of that Zomcore podcast I done, but I figure it's spooky enough to stand alone today)

Also - what the fuck is up with the lack of pumpkins this year? I am bereft. Most annoying

Laters gaters

Laughing In The Face Of Mainstream

The very lovely Dadaist Audio have just released their gigantic compilation Laughing In The Face Of Mainstream.

It contains 175 tracks, and over 9 hours of music, ranging from hip hop to black metal, from synthpop to harsh noise, it has everything!

And, it has a track by ME!

It's a reworked, and longer version of 'There Is Truth In Flesh And The Solid Ground', and it's only available on this compilation

You can grab it here (it's in Part 5 - Track 9):

[DADA050] Laughing In The Face Of Mainstream -- A Dadaist Audio Compilation

Please let Dadaist Audio know what you think! And let me know, if you have any thoughts on my track.

Many thanks to Chris @ Dadaist Audio for including my track, and supporting original and innovative music

Cheers

MOSHCOREFUNTRENDS

Hello peeps. I have a mix for you, a breakcore mix:

http://www.mediafire.com/?bzmztrgyzv5
or
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IUA3AGDB



1..ANONYMOUS.LY - Untitled
2..Duran Duran Duran - Ralez
3..CDATAKILL - Yesterdays (Ubergang Remix)
4..Throttler - Validation
5..DJ Floorclearer - Over The Legal Limit
6..Cakebuilder - Book of the Dead
7..Enduser - Les Dilution
8..Bong Ra - Eenzaam Sterven Wij Allen
9..ACRNYM - ASBO Selecta
10.LFO Demon - Murderstyle Remix
11.Trentmoller - Miss You
12.DJ Freak - Never Been to Brooklyn

This is the first breakcore mix I've done using my decks, so if you have any kind or nasty words, they'd be very helpful

Ta

MECONIUM on MP3

Critical Best
Noise Joy
Scunnered Records

Cheers for the support, folks

MECONIUM

Limited to thirty (30) copies on CD. Please give me shout if you'd like one - I'm not selling it, but I will swap it for something cool (cool as in quirky - I don't expect anything expensive as it will be available as a free MP3 download soon, if you don't manage to get a hold of one of these CDs).

Critical Best - Meconium : a 40 minute album of disintegrating technoise and lullabies, released on my very own Scunnered Records

You can hear 3 of the tracks (albeit in a slightly unfinshed form) here - www.myspace.com/criticalbest

Info on the MP3 release will be disseminated as and when

Cheers peeps

Chill the fuck out

I done another mix, it's pretty chill. Download it here:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ekaqq2

Tracks by The Tuss, Parts & Labor, Kid606, 65daysofstatic and many more

Enjoy

Behind the times with Web 2.0

I finally got a Last.fm thingy. I am hopelessly behind the times. It did give me this, though, which is pretty nifty:


Yeah, Web 2.0 can suck my cock

Gutter Poetry

I got a bit bored on Friday, as it was my day off, so I decided to have a play on my decks. I put together this mix:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/u6ifvv

Now, it's not beatmatched in the slightest (I've not touched the decks in about 3 months), but it is a fun collection of tunes. It's also recorded via an intricate system of tin cans and string, between the mixer and the laptop, so it's a little 'noisy'. But it's only half an hour long, so it won't fucking kill you.

Also, it's not a noisy breakcore freakout - it's quite relaxed. There's some Dextro, Cex, Herrmutt Lobby and Trentmøller on there, and some other stuff I've forgotten about

Enjoy

Beware the Pipistrelle

Right, fuck it - remember my EP, Critical Best - Meconium? It's now officially an album.

Tracklisting is as follows:

1. Bha e brèagha an-de
2. There is Truth in Flesh and the Solid Ground
3. Famous Bison
4. Your Own Clockwork Christ
5. Gossum
6. Point One Four
7. Wet Bass Core
8. They Squeel
9. Fixing Windmills

It's all completely finished, and should be released within the next month, I reckon.

Formats will be:

Free MP3 download, released by Noise Joy Records
30 hand numbered CDRs, released by my very own Scunnered Records

The CDR will not really be on sale, as such. If you want one, let me know and we can come to some sort of arrangement. I'd like to swap them for cool stuff (not cool expensive stuff, as it's only a CDR [with tracks you can get for free] - but cheap, quirky stuff).

Exciting, isn't it.

(Keep checking myspace.com/criticalbest for updates)

Pictures what are good and that

My old friend and confidante, Mister Andrew Hood, photographer of much renown, former Huguenot, black marketeer and swashbuckler, has just launched his portfolio website:

http://www.hoodphotography.co.uk/

Please do visit, and let his work play upon your retinas. You shall no doubt see why his work has been much lauded, and he's received a multitude of plaudits. You may also stumble upon one of the many self portraits of his cock.

Fortune favours the old

Hello chaps and chapettes,

How have you been? In the interim between the last post and this, I've been to South Korea. It was fucking mental! We got to visit the DMZ, and even North Korea for a wee bit. It truly was ace.

I'll hopefully be posting some awesome photos of me and my lovely girlfriend Mo knicking about the Far East, but in the meantime I have news of a musical nature.

My EP is all but done, and has mutated to album length. Here's a sneak peek at the cover:



I'll let you know exactly when where how and why it's being released, and I'll be appearing on some compilations in the near future, too. So expect an information leaden update sometime in the very near future.

In the meantime, go to www.myspace.com/criticalbest for any crucial nuggets of shit that I may have forgotten to mention here.

Sound of Summer

Years and years ago, 'Windowlicker' used to be the ideal summer tune. There's something so perfect about its sleaziness that seems to mesh with long, humid days. We used to nick about sunny Glasgow in my beat-up white Ford Escort with the windows down and RDJ's snare rushes, glitches and wonky French, pulsing out from the stereo. We thought we were the coolest fucks in Fuck Town

But time passes, and classic Aphex Twin tracks lose their lustre and charm

Trentemøller remixed it in 2004, under the name 'Run Jeremy', turning it into a finely tuned 4/4 stormer, but it was still the same basic track - glorious, yet old news

--

I used to be right into the whole 'Mashup' / 'Bootie' scene back when it first came to light. Freelance Hellraiser (when he was still underground), Frenchbloke, all that jazz. Kid606 pretty much kicked fuck out of the whole scene, with 'The Action Packed Mentalist Brings You The Fucking Jams', so I've not really been keeping an eye on, what is now, the massive collection of shit that's out there. So I can't really tell you when this hit the net:

M83 vs Aphex Twin vs Khia - Pussylicker
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V6EQJJZ0

It's a perfect combination of 'Aphex Twin - Windowlicker (Acid Edit)', 'M83 - Run Into Flowers (Midnight Fuck Remix By Jackson)' , and 'Khia - My Neck, My Back' by some guy called Dopplebanger, and manages to somehow, be even more summery than the original, untouched 'Windowlicker'

Download it, whack it on your stereo, and sit in the back garden drinking ice cold beer while staring wistfully at the one lone cloud adorning the sky

ahh

One of my earrings popped out this morning, and my clown fingers are having a cunt of a time getting it back in. Gun piercings through cartilage are a bitch

Life is cruel

myspace survey lol

Canny remember where I picked this pishy Myspace survey hing, but I done it the other day out of boredom. Behold...

My Life Story

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Camu Tau - Plot For A Little - ok, I think this works, in a sort of 'Directed by John Singleton' way

Waking Up: The Gossip - Jealous Girls - this would work if I was a bird and the film of my life was a shitty remake of Heathers

First Day of School: Orbital - Funny Break (One is Enough) - Classic, and came out while I was still at school, so works well

Falling In Love: Shinra - Bazoo - I'm not sure if that is perfect, or so unbelievably wrong. It's an early Squarepusher-esque noisy drill & bass / breakcore tune

Fight Song: Bong Ra - 666 MPH [FFF vs Dionysos RMX] - perfect fight song, all dark mechanical breakcore, amen breaks, sub-bass and rave stabs. The fight would have to be a bloody mess, though

Breaking up: Vert - Daisy Leaps In - kind of ambient and off kilter, so could work, I suppose

Prom: The Gross Consumer - Do You Want To Share My Rash - ahahaha. This is a remix of the Road Rash theme from the old Sega Megadrive game. It's full of squelch, nasty beats and cowbell. Imagine playing that at prom, that would be ace, unless there was a subsequent rash

Life: DJ Scud - In The Charts Again - punishing beats and guitar riffs. There is a bit when it all goes a bit gabber and a Scotsman shouts 'fuck the cunts'. Make of that what you will

Mental Breakdown: The Knife - I Take Time - standard Knife track really. I could see this soundtracking a mental breakdown I suppose. They probably like the idea of that, eh?

Driving: Kimya Dawson - Blue Like Nevermind - I could imagine driving to this song. In some shitty indie pish film directed by that cunt from Scrubs, or the cocks behind Napoleon Dynamite

Flashback: Sun City Girls - Burial In The Sky - only if it's a freaky flashback. Maybe with me getting tormented by a harlequin or some shit

Getting Back together: Merzbow - Shadow Barbarian (Long Mix) - this scene would have to take place in some dingy, grimy, nightmare of a club. The sort of place where a dead horse on the dancefloor wouldn't be totally unexpected (shit - listening to this makes me realise how much Merzbow's 'dancey' stuff sounds like Zeigenbock Kopf - how the fuck?)

Wedding: Miklos "The Accountant" Kemecsi - Mal-funk - if this was the first tune played at my wedding reception, I think I'd be quite happy

Birth of Child: Squarepusher - Theme From Sprite - jazz funk elevator pish from Squarepusher. Does that fit in with child birth? Who the fuck knows? Christ Squarepusher's let himself go in the last few years

Final Battle: Slepcy - With Charles Bukowski on the Ride - this has a sort of punchy, mechanical, twisted, Amon Tobin thing going on, which could work. The final battle would have to be against maurading robots, though. Like that bit in Casshern, but slower

Death Scene: Otto von Schirach - Unknown (Venetian Snares Remix) - this could definitely be music to a 'dying after big fight with robot' scene. Melancholy breakcore with a nice sad operatic vocal at the end

End Credits: Hidden Cameras - Wandering - hahaha, another priceless moment. Gay as a big window, and perfect for end credits. I can see the names roll by now. Specifically the best boys... Maybe not for the story of my life, though

I did this properly, which is why the tune selection is pretty rubbish, and doesn't always go. It's made me realise I have some right shit on this laptop

(While looking over this, iTunes has just gone from a remix of the Axel F tune into the Dave Clarke remix of Coatnoise, so at least it's not all bad)

Laters

Breakcore, you know the score

All this heavy gossamer

Three years.

That's how long I've been down in London now. I wouldn't even have noticed had my mum not phoned me up on Wednesday to shout "Three years" down the line.

Jesus shitting Christ where does the time go? Well, part of me thinks that, and the other part, contradictively, feels like I've been down here forever.

I wrote this last year, but this year I feel a little bereft of wit. Maybe it's because it's a lazy Sunday in work, or maybe it's because I spunked all my good lines on last year's 'recollection'.
.
.
.
Hahahaahahah. What the fuck am I talking about? God, sometimes I need a boot right in the cock, I swear to fuck.

Right, so I've ordered the proper cables and whatnot to get my decks and my laptop speaking to each other (albeit, in not entirely dulcet tones), so expect that hacked together Zomcore mix to be the last one which is done solely on computer. Hopefully I'll have something new and blistering up soon. It won't be pretty, I can tell you that much. It will melt your fucking face off.

Alsooooo - I'm working on some new tracks, so the EP may be available soon, too. I'll probably need to sort out a better form of distribution than Myspace / Sendspace / YouSendit / Rapidshare / carrier pigeon - but I'm working on that. There may be merch, too. CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?

I suppose you want a tracklisting, too

1. D. Scott - Scarey 1 / Gershon Kingsley & Peter Waldron -
The Sound Of Bones
2. Deathmachine - User Defined
3. Venetian Snares - Tache
4. Bong-Ra - The Rush (Long Time Coming) / Bong-Ra - The Rush (Long Time Coming) [De Bastardo Remix]
5. Kid606 - Catstep My Kitten [Vatstep DSP by Hrvatski]
6. Ladyscraper - Grr Track One
7. Bong-ra Horns
8. Merzbow - Looping Jane [Beat Mix]
9. V/VM - Untitled [Death March]
10. Drop The Lime - Hot Sauce Grillz
11. Cursor Minor - Hair of the Dog
12. Gershon Kingsley & Peter Waldron - Spirits, Monsters, Witches... / Nurse With Wound - Untitled

All the cool kids have podcasts... fuckin' wanks

Rapidshare link

Just a wee podcast I put together, with tracks by Merzbow, Bong-Ra, Kid606, Nurse With Wound, Ladyscraper, Venetian Snares, Deathmachine, Cursor Minor, Drop The Lime and some other bits and pieces

Enjoy!

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo' is a grammatically correct sentence. You can either trust me, or look it up yourself, I canny be fucked explaining it here.

When I first found this out, my mind done a wee flip. I said to myself, "That's easily the most fucked up sentence you'll ever read". I've now discovered I was wrong. This fucker crept up on me today:

'John, when playing a game of Scrabble against Dick who, whilst pondering the degree of legitimacy the last word that Harry (who had had 'had') had had had had, had had 'had', had had 'had'. Had 'had' had more letters, he would have played it again'

Seriously, fuck that shit. What in the fuck? I think it's going to take me some time to wrap my head around that.

This one's quite fun, too:

'Who polices the Police? The Police Police police Police. Who polices the Police Police? The Police Police Police police Police Police'

The word 'police' has lost all meaning now

Fuck I'm bored

2006 in sound not pictures

Sat here drinking far-too-creamy coffee and eating a macaroon bar (only us Scots could think a bar of mashed potato and icing sugar, covered in chocolate and coconut flakes could function as a ‘sweety’, and only we could be right), my mind thrums over last years album purchases. I think age has been unkind to my music acquiring habits - every year the number of shiny wrapped discs appearing fresh upon my shelves dwindles slightly. Even the illicit MP3s gumming up my hard drive aren’t increasing drastically.

So it’s with some reservation, I sit here trying to compile my ‘Best of 2006’ list. In previous years, I’ve had a fuckton of stuff to choose from, so the lists have been both lengthy and verbose. This year, it’ll be mercifully brief:

The Lackadaisically Named -

'Top Albums of 2006'

(In no real order)

1. Trentemøller – Last Resort

2. Razor X Productions (The Bug vs. The Rootsman) – Killing Sound

3. Kid 606 – Pretty Girls Make Raves

4. Guilty Connector – Beats, Noise, and Life

5. Venetian Snares – Cavalcade of Glee and Dadaist Happy Hardcore Pom Poms

6. Amen Andrews vs. Spac Hand Luke – Amen Andrews vs. Spac Hand Luke

7. B.Fleischmann – The Humbucking Coil

8. Doddodo – Sample Bitch Story

9. Cex – Actual Fucking

10. My Latest Novel – Wolves

11. The Knife – Silent Shout

12. Knifehandchop – Bling The Noize

13. Battles – EP C/B EP

14. Paavoharju– Yha Hamaraa

15. Junior Boys – So This Is Goodbye

Other stuff to mention:

• Burial – Burial : I’m finding all this Hyperdub and dubstep malarkey a bit boring. Nice to put on in the background, while doing a bit of reading, but undeserving of the hype. Give me a nice slice of raggacore or something; something to get my teeth into

• Bong-Ra – Stereohype Heroin Hooker : This right here is an EP, so I'd feel a bit cheeky putting it on the list. Bong-Ra is a fucking breakcore god. Everything he touches turns to nasty, twisted, Amen Break-flecked gold. He’s playing at Bangface this month, with Kid 606, Plaid, The Bug, Enduser and some other lovely folks. A night like that will melt your fucking face off

• Venetian Snares – Hospitality : Another EP. Nice and melodic, chirpy breakcore, more in the vein of Cavalcade of Glee and Chocolate Wheelchair, than the orchestral epicness of Rossz Csillag Allat Szuletett or the demented depression of Winter in the Belly of a Snake. How in fuck is Aaron Funk is still churning them out? I should start a pool on how much material he'll release this year

• Tim Exile – Tim Exile's Nuisance Gabbaret Lounge : This bad boy is a mix CD, so, again, I exclude it from the list to keep within my own esoteric 'rules'. Two great breakcore mixes, recorded live over two club nights somewhere. It's not just your standard 'faceless prick behind some laptops' affair that a good chunk of electronic musicians seem to adore peddling. Oh no. This is a good natured, high energy, motherfuckin' dance party. In between harsh beats and walls of sound, he samples (and fucks about with) his own voice and the reaction of the crowd, and still finds time to take requests. CDs like this remind me why I love this music so much. It's a world away from the stone-faced, 'cooler-than-thou' attitude of the vast majority of the rest of the electronic and noise scenes. Fuck the posturing - HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN

• Gonzales – Solo Piano : Released in 2004, I think, so not on the list. God – how did it take me so long to pick this up? The lanky electro-funk-hip-hop mongoloid pulls out the unexpected – a beautiful, haunting collection of solo piano pieces. Stunning

• Venetian Snares vs Bong-Ra – 4 Adaptations of Rossz Csillag Allat Szuletett : Hahaha, who would have thought that putting Bong-Ra and VSnares together could make such sweet music. Cinematic, and jazzy in places. This wee gem was totally unexpected

Well – that’s enough from me, I reckon.

I can recommend you some further reading (if you fancy subjecting yourself to more of my witless shite) - here's the lists from the last few years:

2005
2004
2003

That's yer lot for now

Max Headroom will fuck your shit up

On Sunday 22nd 1987, at 23:15 Chicago cable network WTTW had its signal hijacked, during an episode of Doctor Who.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it was probably some wiley environmentalists wanting to protest about some fucking seals or something. You're wrong though.

Someone (who has, in fact, never been caught) went to the supreme effort of criminally hijacking a major cable network's signal to broadcast one of the most fucked up and bizarre things you'll ever see.

Remember 80s TV weirdo Max Headroom? I don't think he was ever on TV here, but through some sort of pop culture osmosis I have vivid memories of his stupid cubist face, so I'm assuming you do, too. Well, this merry media terrorist nabbed a Max Headroom mask, mocked up a background and proceeded to broadcast himself talking utter shite. Creepy shite. Oh, and he gets spanked at the end, too.

There's something so very, very wrong about all of this:


I'd have been 7 when this was broadcast. And if I was sitting watching Doctor Who, and was suddenly faced with it, I'd have freaked the fuck out. Christ, Zelda from Terrahawks used to terrify me, this'd have caused me to shit my chinos.

After getting over the creepiness, I got a little maudlin. I find it sad, that in this age of hi-tech digital transmission, it'd be almost impossible to pull off this sort of broadcast signal intrusion.

Hmm, I wonder if I can surreptitiously Bluetooth fucked up videos to strangers on the tube...