I've been back in Glasgow for almost 2 days now, and it feels a bit odd. It's so fucking small. Anyway, tonight's the night when shit really kicks off - The Warriors screening @ The GFT, then Pressure @ The Arches, which will no doubt fuck me up good and proper.
While looking through the wee booklet for Triptych, I realised that Savage Pencil does all the illustrations for the festival this year (including that crazy owl I used on the last entry I wrote about Triptych). Jesus, I forgot how fucking awesome he is. His insane scribblings can be seen adorning the pages of Ken Hollings' masterpiece Destroy All Monsters, which you severely have to fucking read. Now.
Here's a little present for you, dear reader. It's the mid 80s electro hip-hop stylings of the Latin Rascals, with their tribute to Eddie Murphy - Axel F (New York Rap Remix). Enjoy, I'm off to get some breakfast.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
The Early Life of Venetian Snares
Aaron Funk was born in 1977 in Baraboo, Wisconsin to snake farmer Leviathan Funk and aeronautical engineer Missy 'Misdemeanour' Funk. 
Aaron had a rough and troubled childhood, fending for himself amongst his father’s reptiles, battling the poisonous creatures for morsels and scraps to eat, and sleeping with one eye open. It was here, at a young age, that he learned an appreciation for the power of music; he would sing the fanged bastards to sleep in order to steal their food and milk their fangs. This milking went on for many years until Aaron was confident he had enough. As his father came in one day with the usual offering of lifeless rats and mice Aaron pounced, forcing him to the ground and pouring the toxic venom down his throat. At aged 7, he made good his escape. But not before liberating his father’s wallet from his jacket pocket.
Arriving on a Greyhound bus in Cottonwood, California in the summer of 1984, with his heart full of hope and his stomach full of something other than rodent flesh, he fell in with a group of Bavarian gypsies who ran a travelling circus. He spent his days learning the ways of the acrobat, and his nights increasing his musical knowledge through the folk songs of his new 'family'. Aaron became more and more confident in his abilities and decided he would make it his life's work to garner fame and riches, and one day rid the world of snakes, much like Saint Patrick did in Ireland, all those years ago. Knowing full well Bavarian troubadouring and snake-charming lullabies wouldn't be sufficient for world domination; he built his first synthesizer from a broken Sinclair Spectrum, bits from an old Ford Model T and some corrugated iron, at age 14. It was with this unwieldy piece of machinery that he shaped his first album, 'Jack Rabbit Ham-fistedness and It's Effect on the Third Trimester of Unwanted Pregnancies'. It contained only 2 compositions, one of them being a 70 year old man intoning the word 'brass' over and over again for 50 minutes, with a looped beat from an old Nina Simone song in the background, and the other being Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' played backwards. Kerrang called it 'A truly groundbreaking album, best listened to at the lowest perceivable volume while eating an artic roll', whilst NME described it as 'The future of rock and roll' and awarded it a prestigious '5-Stars'.
The success of this debut album made Aaron a multi billionaire at the age of 16, so he shelved his promising music career to become a Pirate Kiss-o-gram. He believed that this job would give him the mental clarity he would need to formulate the 'Snake Apocalypse' he desired so much.
His life continued on quite comfortably for just over a year, but a string of unwise investments in anti-snake hammers and a catastrophic addiction to plantains swallowed up the vast majority of his fortune and forced him into hiding just days before his 18th birthday.
Nothing much was heard from Funk until, late in 1999 he re-emerged, now calling himself Venetian Snares. His first release under the new moniker was the 12" 'Greg Hates Car Culture', which caused massive ructions in the burgeoning electronic music scene. A breakcore and gabber monster, NME described it as 'The future of rock and roll' and awarded it '5-Stars', whilst the Wire devoted 18 pages to it, each painstakingly written out in hieroglyphics using the blood of Seb Coe. This would just be the first of many groundbreaking and genre-defining works Venetian Snares would release, and was a call to arms for an ever changing and exciting electronic music scene.
Fifteen Interesting facts about Aaron Funk
-He is composed entirely of heavy photons. If you get close enough, you can hear the plasma his body is comprised of, vibrating
-He has a 17 year old lactose intolerant cat named Trevor
-In Minsk there is a fifty-foot tall glass statue of him, which dominates the city's main square. At midday on the vernal and autumnal equinoxes the sunlight is focused through the statue onto a point no larger than the head of a pin. Every year the mayor lights a cigar using this focussed light, which is then passed around the fathers of any babies born on that day
-He discovered Tungsten and Molybedenum
-He has guest starred in 57 episodes of the Simpsons, but has only ever had one line. It was 'You wanna go faster? I call disaster'
-He is an avid breeder of geese and swans
-Twice a year he visits the concrete encased reactors at Chernobyl. He writes profane limericks on the walls using pink lipstick
-He has a base on the moon where he is constructing a giant laser, which he plans to use to carve his initials into the polar ice caps
-He has a coat made entirely from the bee's fur. It took a crack team of blind lepers in Cambodia 5 years to make it
-There is a room in each of his mansions where he houses his vast collection of out-of-date, unopened Ambrosia Creamed Rice cans
-He is afflicted with Picquerism, which he satisfies by poking girls with French bread in the queues at Tescos, then running to his car to masturbate furiously
-His favourite film is Shallow Grave, and he one day hopes to marry Christopher 'Dr Who' Eccleston
-He does not believe in the second law of thermodynamics and was once charged with attempted murder for beating a man to within an inch of his life for even mentioning the name 'Carnot'
-He has a horse called John, but refuses to ride her, as he is scared of being kicked in the face whilst putting the saddle on her back. This is due to a childhood phobia of the board game 'Buckaroo'
-His favourite food is pâté made from the hearts of baby starlings, suffocated en masse in giant Hessian sacks
Venetian Snares new album 'Rossz Csillag Allat Szuletett' is available now from good record shops
Live MP3s can be downloaded from VSnares.com
Aaron had a rough and troubled childhood, fending for himself amongst his father’s reptiles, battling the poisonous creatures for morsels and scraps to eat, and sleeping with one eye open. It was here, at a young age, that he learned an appreciation for the power of music; he would sing the fanged bastards to sleep in order to steal their food and milk their fangs. This milking went on for many years until Aaron was confident he had enough. As his father came in one day with the usual offering of lifeless rats and mice Aaron pounced, forcing him to the ground and pouring the toxic venom down his throat. At aged 7, he made good his escape. But not before liberating his father’s wallet from his jacket pocket.Arriving on a Greyhound bus in Cottonwood, California in the summer of 1984, with his heart full of hope and his stomach full of something other than rodent flesh, he fell in with a group of Bavarian gypsies who ran a travelling circus. He spent his days learning the ways of the acrobat, and his nights increasing his musical knowledge through the folk songs of his new 'family'. Aaron became more and more confident in his abilities and decided he would make it his life's work to garner fame and riches, and one day rid the world of snakes, much like Saint Patrick did in Ireland, all those years ago. Knowing full well Bavarian troubadouring and snake-charming lullabies wouldn't be sufficient for world domination; he built his first synthesizer from a broken Sinclair Spectrum, bits from an old Ford Model T and some corrugated iron, at age 14. It was with this unwieldy piece of machinery that he shaped his first album, 'Jack Rabbit Ham-fistedness and It's Effect on the Third Trimester of Unwanted Pregnancies'. It contained only 2 compositions, one of them being a 70 year old man intoning the word 'brass' over and over again for 50 minutes, with a looped beat from an old Nina Simone song in the background, and the other being Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' played backwards. Kerrang called it 'A truly groundbreaking album, best listened to at the lowest perceivable volume while eating an artic roll', whilst NME described it as 'The future of rock and roll' and awarded it a prestigious '5-Stars'.
The success of this debut album made Aaron a multi billionaire at the age of 16, so he shelved his promising music career to become a Pirate Kiss-o-gram. He believed that this job would give him the mental clarity he would need to formulate the 'Snake Apocalypse' he desired so much.
His life continued on quite comfortably for just over a year, but a string of unwise investments in anti-snake hammers and a catastrophic addiction to plantains swallowed up the vast majority of his fortune and forced him into hiding just days before his 18th birthday.Nothing much was heard from Funk until, late in 1999 he re-emerged, now calling himself Venetian Snares. His first release under the new moniker was the 12" 'Greg Hates Car Culture', which caused massive ructions in the burgeoning electronic music scene. A breakcore and gabber monster, NME described it as 'The future of rock and roll' and awarded it '5-Stars', whilst the Wire devoted 18 pages to it, each painstakingly written out in hieroglyphics using the blood of Seb Coe. This would just be the first of many groundbreaking and genre-defining works Venetian Snares would release, and was a call to arms for an ever changing and exciting electronic music scene.
Fifteen Interesting facts about Aaron Funk
-He is composed entirely of heavy photons. If you get close enough, you can hear the plasma his body is comprised of, vibrating
-He has a 17 year old lactose intolerant cat named Trevor
-In Minsk there is a fifty-foot tall glass statue of him, which dominates the city's main square. At midday on the vernal and autumnal equinoxes the sunlight is focused through the statue onto a point no larger than the head of a pin. Every year the mayor lights a cigar using this focussed light, which is then passed around the fathers of any babies born on that day
-He discovered Tungsten and Molybedenum
-He has guest starred in 57 episodes of the Simpsons, but has only ever had one line. It was 'You wanna go faster? I call disaster'
-He is an avid breeder of geese and swans
-Twice a year he visits the concrete encased reactors at Chernobyl. He writes profane limericks on the walls using pink lipstick
-He has a base on the moon where he is constructing a giant laser, which he plans to use to carve his initials into the polar ice caps
-He has a coat made entirely from the bee's fur. It took a crack team of blind lepers in Cambodia 5 years to make it
-There is a room in each of his mansions where he houses his vast collection of out-of-date, unopened Ambrosia Creamed Rice cans
-He is afflicted with Picquerism, which he satisfies by poking girls with French bread in the queues at Tescos, then running to his car to masturbate furiously
-His favourite film is Shallow Grave, and he one day hopes to marry Christopher 'Dr Who' Eccleston
-He does not believe in the second law of thermodynamics and was once charged with attempted murder for beating a man to within an inch of his life for even mentioning the name 'Carnot'
-He has a horse called John, but refuses to ride her, as he is scared of being kicked in the face whilst putting the saddle on her back. This is due to a childhood phobia of the board game 'Buckaroo'
-His favourite food is pâté made from the hearts of baby starlings, suffocated en masse in giant Hessian sacks
Venetian Snares new album 'Rossz Csillag Allat Szuletett' is available now from good record shops
Live MP3s can be downloaded from VSnares.com
Monday, April 18, 2005
I said it knowing full well I had no intention of doing it
This has got to be the greatest safety video in existence. It's a wee bit slow to get going, but when it does......Jesus. It's like the Evil Dead, in a German warehouse.
I've been seeing a lot of good films recently, and have to recommend Oldboy, Sympathy for Mr Vengence, Bubba Ho-Tep and The Machinist. My love for Christian Bale is well known, so I won't go into detail about the The Machinist. Let me just say, it's a bit more David Lynch-ey than Brad Anderson's last film Session 9, and better for it.
Now, Oldboy and Sympathy for Mr Vengence.......fuck me. I thought Takashi Miike was where it was at with regards to Asian cinema but these 2 Chan-wook Park films show just how fucking awesome and batshit crazy the Koreans are. You literally owe it to your brain to see them. They both deal with similar themes (revenge, inter-familial bonds, motherfuckers getting fucked up), but they do it in totally different ways. The range of emotion they take you through is unparralelled in most films coming out just now - you will not forget these movies, they will be burned into your psyche. Oh, and they are both stunningly photographed too.
Bubba Ho-Tep was good.....probably better than I gave it credit for, at first. I had built it up in my head so much that I was quite disappointed when I watched it. Then, after thinking about it for a while I realised I had kind of missed the point. I was a expecting an off the wall action film with JFK and Elvis kicking the shit out of a Mummy and cracking wise. What I got was a beautifully touching film that made you think. And I'm pretty sure that's better. I'm gonna rewatch it again soon with this new mindest.
So, what's coming up next? Sin City, which everyone informs me is the shit. Romero's Land of The Dead, which has gotta be awesome. Star Wars - if Lucas fucks this up I'm pretty sure someone will put a hit out on him, you know what enraged geeks are like. And coming up really soon - The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy. I'm gonna go see this when I'm up in Glasgow, and I really don't know what to expect. The previews look amazing, but will it capture the book's glorious nonsense? I hope so.
I've been seeing a lot of good films recently, and have to recommend Oldboy, Sympathy for Mr Vengence, Bubba Ho-Tep and The Machinist. My love for Christian Bale is well known, so I won't go into detail about the The Machinist. Let me just say, it's a bit more David Lynch-ey than Brad Anderson's last film Session 9, and better for it.
Now, Oldboy and Sympathy for Mr Vengence.......fuck me. I thought Takashi Miike was where it was at with regards to Asian cinema but these 2 Chan-wook Park films show just how fucking awesome and batshit crazy the Koreans are. You literally owe it to your brain to see them. They both deal with similar themes (revenge, inter-familial bonds, motherfuckers getting fucked up), but they do it in totally different ways. The range of emotion they take you through is unparralelled in most films coming out just now - you will not forget these movies, they will be burned into your psyche. Oh, and they are both stunningly photographed too.
Bubba Ho-Tep was good.....probably better than I gave it credit for, at first. I had built it up in my head so much that I was quite disappointed when I watched it. Then, after thinking about it for a while I realised I had kind of missed the point. I was a expecting an off the wall action film with JFK and Elvis kicking the shit out of a Mummy and cracking wise. What I got was a beautifully touching film that made you think. And I'm pretty sure that's better. I'm gonna rewatch it again soon with this new mindest.
So, what's coming up next? Sin City, which everyone informs me is the shit. Romero's Land of The Dead, which has gotta be awesome. Star Wars - if Lucas fucks this up I'm pretty sure someone will put a hit out on him, you know what enraged geeks are like. And coming up really soon - The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy. I'm gonna go see this when I'm up in Glasgow, and I really don't know what to expect. The previews look amazing, but will it capture the book's glorious nonsense? I hope so.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Cursed by his own hubris
In addition to the fucking television, inexplicably buried in the back garden, my flatmate introduced me to this little gem in the kitchen sink the other day:
Why yes, that's right - a motherfucking dead baby mouse, apparently drowned in the very same water we used to wash the dishes. I done what any self respecting man would have done - laughed, photographed it, then picked it up by the tail and threatened to hurl it over the back wall onto the road. We ended up binning it instead.
Oh well, I'll have to amuse myself by immolating the ants who seem to be infesting the kitchen as well.
Why yes, that's right - a motherfucking dead baby mouse, apparently drowned in the very same water we used to wash the dishes. I done what any self respecting man would have done - laughed, photographed it, then picked it up by the tail and threatened to hurl it over the back wall onto the road. We ended up binning it instead.
Oh well, I'll have to amuse myself by immolating the ants who seem to be infesting the kitchen as well.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
I'm gay for Christian Bale
When I first heard that Christopher 'Memento' Nolan was directing the new Batman film, 'Batman Begins', the first thing that popped into my head was "I hope there's more fire-breathing horse action than the previous films". Looks like my prayers have been answered:
Batman Begins [Trailer Mirror 1]
Batman Begins [Trailer Mirror 2]
It's Christain Bale, as Patrick Fucking Bateman, as Batman. It's gonna be so many different kinds of awesome.
Batman Begins [Trailer Mirror 1]
Batman Begins [Trailer Mirror 2]
It's Christain Bale, as Patrick Fucking Bateman, as Batman. It's gonna be so many different kinds of awesome.
No mean city
I'm all booked up for going back to Glasgow. One week of fucked up debauchery awaits, from the 27th of April to the 4th of May. As you may or may not know, that is the weekend of the Triptych Festival, Scotland's premiere eclectic music festival sponsored by an alcoholic beveridge.
So far the only things I'm definately going to are the showing of 'The Warriors' at the GFT on Friday (with live DJ accompaniment), LCD Soundsystem on the Sunday and Optimo, also on the Sunday night. I'll probably go to Pressure, which is the motherfucking best techno night in the UK, on the Friday night (with Slam, Adam Beyer, Percy X and Jacques Lu Cont DJing, and Vitalic playing LIVE) and spend all day Saturday in Mono, so it should be a fuckin' messy weekend.
It'll be good to get back for a wee week and see all the bawbags again, it's been too long.
Oo oo - if you don't know the Perry Bible Fellowship, you should click here. I swear to fuck if you don't laugh at these comics I'll come round your house, stab you in the fucking face with a Philips screwdriver, douse you in petrol and watch your humourless body burn to a crisp.
So far the only things I'm definately going to are the showing of 'The Warriors' at the GFT on Friday (with live DJ accompaniment), LCD Soundsystem on the Sunday and Optimo, also on the Sunday night. I'll probably go to Pressure, which is the motherfucking best techno night in the UK, on the Friday night (with Slam, Adam Beyer, Percy X and Jacques Lu Cont DJing, and Vitalic playing LIVE) and spend all day Saturday in Mono, so it should be a fuckin' messy weekend.It'll be good to get back for a wee week and see all the bawbags again, it's been too long.
Oo oo - if you don't know the Perry Bible Fellowship, you should click here. I swear to fuck if you don't laugh at these comics I'll come round your house, stab you in the fucking face with a Philips screwdriver, douse you in petrol and watch your humourless body burn to a crisp.
Monday, April 04, 2005
"I am become Shiva, destroyer of worlds"
I've now realised how nonsensical it is to have the Blog called one thing (Spirit Creature Not Wearing The Shape Of A Man) and have the URL as something else (http://circushands.blogspot.com), so I think it's time for me to change that title image. Right now, I canny be arsed, so here is a picture I took of a squirrel:
I stamped his guts out 30 seconds after this photo was taken. I'm sure I heard him call me a prick.
EDIT - - I've changed the title image now, to give everything a bit more uniformity. I dunno if I'm happy with it, but it'll have to stay that way until I can get my grubby paws on a copy of Photoshop.
I stamped his guts out 30 seconds after this photo was taken. I'm sure I heard him call me a prick.
EDIT - - I've changed the title image now, to give everything a bit more uniformity. I dunno if I'm happy with it, but it'll have to stay that way until I can get my grubby paws on a copy of Photoshop.
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